The Cards You Were Dealt

Insight

You know those rare moments where something happens, and suddenly, it is as though you have gained entry into a hidden world. Where everything makes sense. Even those things which you could not even begin to contemplate before.

Last week I experienced one of those "Aha!" moments....a breakthrough in understanding. It was my first appointment with the new Occupational Therapist...who I was referred to after my whole scary crazy long appointment. During a discussion, she said the following phrase.

         "Thats right, and those are the cards you've been dealt. The bipolar card just happens to fall in there."

That simple statement caused my brain to work overtime, and jaw to inch slowly towards the floor.

The cards you've been dealt. The bipolar card.

Doesn't seem so profound to you? Let me explain my reasoning.

From the time I was discharged, up until last Friday, I spent my waking hours (and potentially sleeping hours) trying to return  my life to what it used to be....some semblance of normal....or what passes for it nowadays. I convinced myself that if I did everything just right, took good care of myself, that everything would be okay. I would be okay. I could not only beat this illness, but I could go back to before it ever happened! Wipe history from the slate. And be what I once was.

But you see, life is one big game of chance. And whether you like it or not, you are in on the game. And the cards, they are always being shuffled. My new hand, I can't just trade it in, no matter how much I convince myself that I can. Everything has changed dramatically, and consequently, so has my life. And for the very first time in over a year, I am okay with that. It's just the hand I've been dealt. The bipolar card. Could be a whole lot worse. And you know what else? I'm ready for the next card that gets thrown my way.